no God?

I am broken
I am alone
I am hurting
I am in a no reception zone

I am angry
I am lost
I am bitter
My life has no cost

I am hopeless
I am bound
I am worthless
I am unsound

What???
No God, go away!
I don’t want you
Just go away!

I am exploding
I am dead
I am imploding
It’s all in my head

I am prideful
I am unteachable
I know what is best
I am unreachable

I am hateful
I am in pain
I am resentful
My life is in vain

What???
No God, go away!
I don’t want you
Just go away!

I am clinging to myself
I am desperate
I want to be alone
I want to be separate

I don’t want to hear
I don’t want to see
I want to believe
No one cares for me

What???
No God, go away!
I don’t want you
Just go away!

I am empty
I am null
All my senses
Feel dull

I don’t belong
I don’t even care
I don’t have friends
With whom I can share

They are all perfect
No problems, do they lie?
I hate the pity for me
I see within their eyes.

What???
No God, go away!
I don’t want you
Just go away!

Silence, the noise
I hate both of them
One is nothing
The other condemns

You are worthless
You belong dead
You are not worth life
The voices scream in my head

What???
No God, go away!
I don’t want you
Just go away!

What??
You care about me?
You want to take my burdens?
You want me to be free?

At this so called God
I shake my fist
If He cared, really cared
I might have taken a risk

My heart betrays me
I can hear it seek Him
Give it up
Go out on the limb

Remember when
As a very young kid
You took a risk
And you opened the lid

Of the box
You were lost in
And He said He loved you
And you caught yourself smiling?

Jesus love me
This I know
For the Bible
Tells me so

What???
No God, go away!
I don’t want you
Just go away!

I can’t
I just can’t trust you
But God?
But God??

deep breath
inside shaking
what is happening?
what change are You making?

with eyes wide open
i search and see
that You, My God
have always been with me


I am broken
But I am NOT alone
Something has changed
I am out of my comfort zone

And You are here, God
You never left me
Oh forgive my hating You
I was blind but I see

You were there all the time
You gave me strength to survive
You kept my heart beating
You kept me alive.

I still feel the darkness
The times of feeling all alone
But there is a difference
It’s small and I moan

I cry out to You, Abba
I plead for Your peace
I need You Abba
I want my control to cease

You have a plan
You promise in Your Word
I know for now I remember
Those Words that I have heard

I have been self-consumed Lord
Where there was no room for hope
Forgive me for not seeing
You do have ways to help me cope.

I turn to you in surrender
With my hands opened wide
I release my pain that held me back
From now You walk by my side

Thank You, Jesus
For showing me this today
May I always remember
My feelings don’t have the final say

What???
Yes God, please stay!
I don’t want you
To ever go away!